


Gathering strength

by Craftswoman



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Coming Out, Coming of Age, Harry's Birthday, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Pining, Post-Hogwarts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-27
Updated: 2018-01-27
Packaged: 2019-03-08 21:53:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13467315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Craftswoman/pseuds/Craftswoman
Summary: Harry is heartbroken. Ever since he realized what his obsession really was, he'd been trying to tell this boy, making a move to something different to what they've been at for seven years, but here his famous Gryffindor bravery has failed him. And now it's too late. But maybe some comfort and support from someone older and wiser could make him gather his strength.





	Gathering strength

Charlie held Harry in his arms, while Harry cried and cried. He knew something wasn't right from the moment he came home to the Burrow last night, to celebrate Harry's birthday. Of course, they were all sad, in mourning. They had all lost someone in the war, so meny had died; siblings, friends, parents. But the way Harry looked yesterday had made Charlie think it might be something else.

That's why he, after the family dinner, whispered, "Come and talk to me in my room later tonight, Harry."  
He pressed the slim boy harder to his chest and gave the tousled black hair a quick kiss. "Now, tell me, what's wrong?"  
Harry sobbed. There were tears streaming from his eyes and snot running from his nose. He hiccupped a little when he was trying to speak, and he knew he wasn't a pretty sight.  
"Oh, Charlie," he stuttered, "I'm done for. I'll never find anyone like him, and I've lost him forever." He buried his face against Charlie's broad comforting chest again and the crying continued.

The red-haired man patted his back and tried to calm him down enough for him to say more. This was hardly any information at all, about Harry's problem.

"Did he die in the war?" he asked softly, knowing it was a sensitive subject.  
"No," Harry murmured. "He's alive, all right. But he will never be mine. Now, that school's out, I'll never see him again. Ever." The crying got worse. "I'm doomed to be alone forever, 'couse there's no one like him."

Charlie sighed. Harry was still very young, tomorrow he would be eighteen. "Did you ever tell him how you feel?"  
"No," Harry cried, "there was never the moment, with the war... and a lot of things. If he'd been nice two and a half seconds at the time, I might have, but now it's too late." His grip around Charlie tightend and he pressed his body closer. "I don't want to be alone, Charlie. Will you have me?"

Charlie pushed Harry a bit away and held his hands on the boy's shoulders. "Calm down, Harry, you're not thinking at all, right now." He steered Harry to the only place for two people to sit side by side in the small room, the bed. He wiped Harry's wet cheek with his thumb and smiled at him. "You, silly boy. You're quite adorable, you know that, don't you."  
Harry leaned in and pressed a very wet kiss at Charlie's neck. "You liked me before. Maybe you can like me again? Don't you remember?"  
Of course, Charlie remembered.

 

It was Christmas, one and a half year ago. He had come home from Romania overworked and tired. It was a last minute change, and he arrived late on Christmas day. His brothers were their usual handful, so he kept a bit to himself, trying to relax and recover. Harry had also been there, a scrawny boy with a strange look in his eyes. They've met before, naturally, but it had been a while, and the boy had grown. A lot. It was the eyes; they pierced through him, as if he'd walked naked into his parent's house. And they kept following him.  
Charlie had been in his room late one night, sitting in his armchair with a bottle of Firewhiskey. He didn't blame the whiskey for what happened, he wasn't drunk at all, but the edges had been smoothed out. The door had suddenly opened, and Harry had quickly slipped in and closed it behind him. He stood with his back against the door, with his gaze on Charlie. His eyes were mesmerizing, chips of glittering emeralds, and Charlie couldn't help but gasp. When he felt he had control over his voice, he said, "Hello, Harry. What can I do for you?"  
Harry slowly walked, over to where Charlie was sitting, his eyes still locked on his. He came close, too close. "I just want to know... does it hurt?"  
"What?" Charlie had no idea of what he meant.  
"When you're with a man, does it hurt?" Harry asked again, very softly.  
Charlie was stunned silent. How did he know? He never told anyone, nobody knew. Well, not here in the Weasley family, anyway, except Bill. That was one of the reasons he went away, to live abroad, to get away from his mother's endless inquiries about girls. How could this boy see his well-hidden secret? "Aren't you too young to ask a thing like that?" was all he could think of to say in response.  
"Perhaps. I'm sixteen. Didn't you know at sixteen?"  
Oh, yes, definitely. No doubt about it. But he would never have had the nerve to approach someone like this, and talk about it. Not that he could recall whom that might have been.  
"Will you show me, teach me? I want to know."  
"Harry!" Charlie almost fell off his chair. "I can't. I'm much older than you, it wouldn't be right."  
Harry closed in further and his fingers played a little with Charlie's hair. It was red, like all his brother's, but also lighter, bleached by the sun, due to him spending most part of the day outdoors in any weather. "How ancient are you then, old man?" Harry snickered.  
"Twenty-three." Why did this boy make him feel so insecure? There was something about him, something powerful. For fuck's sake; he was the Boy Who Lived! You can't shag the Boy Who Lived just like that, even if he's practically throwing himself on you, can you?  
Harry's hands were now round his neck, and since the whiskey, _but he didn't blame it on the whiskey_ , had had its way with his inhibitions, he pulled him down and kissed him.  
He didn't shag Harry that night, but he showed him a couple of other things you could do with a guy, along with a handful of spells, that could come in handy, and Harry was an eager student.  
Before dawn, the morning after, they parted with a lot of quick kisses, and as Charlie carefully closed the door behind Harry, he made himself a promise, that this was a one-time thing and nothing else.  
And now, with Harry here in his arms again, he reminded himself of that promise.

"Harry," he said, a little harsher than he intended. "I'm not saying, it's not tempting, but no. I'm your friend, though, and I'm going to be a good friend and let you cry in my arms all night, and talk about this boy you're in love with. Right?"  
"All right," Harry groaned, and let himself fall back on the bed. Charlie took off his jeans and tucked him in under the patchwork-quilt. He then removed his own trousers before he crawled in beside him. Harry immediately snogged up against him and with a sigh, he wrapped his arms around Charlie's warm body, and then he cried and talked, and talked and cried. Charlie held him, laughed a little at him and gave the best advices he could.  
In the morning, while he was still asleep, he had a dream. A very real dream. He felt a hand inside his boxers, groping him, and he responded with violent twitch. He was suddenly wide awake, this was not a dream. Harry was fisting his cock while he was pressing his own erection against Charlie's thigh.  
"Why are you molesting an innocent sleeping man?" he murmured.  
"Because it's my birthday, and I can do what I want all day," Harry sniggered.  
"Is that so?" Charlie couldn't help but laugh. Oh, this was bad, he was going to regret this, but it felt so good right now.  
"You little tease. I thought you were heartbroken."  
"I _am_. And I've made a decision. I must tell him, just like you said. I'm going to." Harry was suddenly very serious. "But I really want this first. I want you to shag me."  
"Why, Harry? You're both young and will figure it out in time, there's no need."  
"Oh, but there is." He felt silent, then continued, "I can't walk up to him oblivious and not knowing, I just can't. I have to be completely sure of myself, I need the confidence, all right." Harry bit his lip. "Charlie, please." He started to place a row of kisses along Charlie's neck and jaw, while he resumed to press his groin into Charlie's. Oh, this was not good at all, he was definitely going to regret this later.

 

It wasn't going to be a big party, only family and a few close friends, but Molly was determined to do the best she could, anyway. There was going to be a nice dinner in the garden and later a big Bonfire on the beach by the lake. Coloured lights in the trees and plenty of good food.  
They were out, gathering wood for the fire in the afternoon. Ron was on the top of the hill, looking down on the beach where his brother Charlie was building the fire, getting it ready for tonight. Harry approached him from the woods, carrying a large pile, which seemed to be quite heavy. Ron could hear, from the distance, how Harry called out to Charlie, how they laughed when he dropped it all in the sand, and he could see how Harry slipped his arm around Charlie's waist and nuzzled his face in the crook of his neck. Confident and relaxed, just like two people who just had sex. JUST LIKE TWO PEOPLE WHO JUST HAD SEX!  
Ron dropped what he himself had gathered and ran into the bushes.

"Harry, don't." Charlie pushed Harry away, looking him into the eyes.  
"Why not?" Harry tried once more to get into Charlie's neck.  
"I mean it, don't." Charlie was getting a little angry. "Stop it."  
As Harry moved his hand to grab Charlie's arse, he felt not only a little angry anymore. "I said, stop!" he sort of roared. A cloud of magical power soared around him, and at that moment it became perfectly clear to Harry, that this man tamed dragons for a living.  
Harry backed off, "Sorry, I didn't mean to make you upset."  
The power-cloud subsided, and Charlie looked a bit ashamed. "No, Harry, I'm sorry. I was too harsh. But you see, it's a self-preservation thing. I'm dangerously close to fall head over heels for you, Harry, and since you're not in love with me, it'll never lead to any good, and I don't think I'll ever recover. I'm not your consolation prize, I want to come first for someone, and that will never be you."  
"I really like you a lot, you know," Harry said, a little crushed.  
"I know, and I like you too. But this has to stop right here, right now." Charlie took him in his arms, a nice friendly hug. "I don't regret what we did, and this morning was great, but you will find, that when you're with this guy you really love, it will be fantastic. Believe me." He took a moment and looked Harry in the eyes. "Friends?"  
Harry smiled at Charlie, his green eyes sparkling, "You don't have to ask that. Of course we are, Charlie."  
"Come on, then, clumsy. We have a fire to build, and there's wood all over the place, thanks to you."

 

"Ron, what's the matter?" Harry was totally bewildered by his friend's behavior. They were out in the garden with the task of laying the table, and it was the second plate Ron had broken by placing them too hard. "And don't say 'nothing' again."

Ever since they came back from the beach in the afternoon, Ron had been acting very wierd, casting dark glances at Harry, not speaking to him.  
"Have I done something wrong? Please, tell me!"  
"Like you tell me everything, huh?" Ron sneered.  
"What? What have I done?" Harry was desperate. No way, he was going to spend his birthday with his best friend sulking over something and having no idea of what was going on.  
"All right, then." Ron spun around, facing Harry. "I saw you. I saw you on the beach. With Charlie!" He had a look on his face that was slightly nauseous.  
Harry's cheeks turned a little pink. "Oh," was all he could say.  
"Well?" Ron said, with his blue eyes piercing through Harry like knives. "It was bad enough when you were dating my sister, awkward, but also nice in a way. But Charlie, my _brother_ Charlie! What's going on between you two? Are you shagging?"  
"Well, he shagged me, actually, but-"

Ron covered his ears with his hands and interrupted, "Wow, wow, wow, too much information, mate."

"Look, it's not what you think. Charlie's been a very good friend, that's all. He's been really helpful-"

"By shagging you?" Ron interrupted again.

"No...well..." Harry waffled a little, "there's more to it." Harry sighed. He might as well tell Ron, there was never going to be a better time. He wanted to. Ever since it became clear to him what this obsession truly was, had he thought about telling him and Hermione, but things always seemed to come in the way. Or he just didn't have the nerve to say it. He inhaled and blurted it out. "I'm in love with someone, I've loved him for ages. And I needed somebody to talk to, who'd understand."

"But my brother?" Ron still had difficulty apprehending the situation.

"Well, I don't know that many gay men, do you?" Harry snarled.  
Ron looked a bit sullen. "I didn't know he was gay. How did you?"  
Harry was startled. "Isn't it obvious? How could you not know?"  
They were both silent for a while. "I'm sorry, I didn't tell you before," Harry said. "Iv'e been wanting to for a long time."  
"So, you're not in love with Charlie, then?" Harry shook his head.  
"But you're gay?" Harry nodded. Ron sighed and rubbed his face with both his hands. "When you were with Ginny, was that all a lie, then?"  
"No," Harry almost called out. "I thought I really loved her, but this... well, other feelings were there to. I never meant to hurt her."  
"This bloke, the one you say you're...hum...in love with now, are you going to tell me who he is?"  
"Yes, but not right now. Ok?"  
Ron stared horrified at Harry. "It's not me, is it?"  
"Don't be stupid, of course it's not you."  
"What do I know, maybe you're working your way through all us Weasleys." Harry gave him a push on the shoulder, as Ron sniggered. "We are irresistible, you know."  
After he recovered from Harry's playful punches, Ron said, "You'll have to tell Hermione, right now. If you don't, I will."  
"I want to tell her. Let's finish this and duck out before Molly finds out more things for us to do. Then we go find her together."

 

The flames licked the starry sky, and the fire cracked and fizzed. It was very late and there was only Ron and Hermione, George and Angelina, Harry, Ginny and Charlie left on the beach. The others had either gone to bed in the Burrow or Disapparated home a long time ago. Harry was tired, and he still felt a bit awkward around Ron and Hermione, but at least, now he could talk to them. About everything. Almost. They drank their chilled Butterbeers and spoke silently. Harry got up and moved around the cirkle of friends and sat down at Charlie's side, keeping his distance. "I want to say three things to you, Charlie," he said and took a swig at his bottle. Charlie turned his hazel eyes at him.

"First," Harry continued, "thank you." His face flushed a little.

"You're welcome." Charlie smiled.

After a pause. "Second, I'm sorry."

"It's all right, Harry."

"And third," Harry smiled back at him, "will you teach me that magic power cloud-thing? I could really have use for it, for what I'm about to do."

"Sure, it's not that difficult. It's a lot like when you do wandless spells."

"I can do that, I cast wandless  _Accios_ all the time," Harry said, not without a spark of pride in his voice.

Ron leaned in and added, "That's true, I've seen him do all sorts of wandless magic."

"Well, that doesn't surprise me at all," Charlie said. " When you deal with dragons, it's sometimes unpractical with the wand, you might have to use both hands to handle them, so we all have to learn certain wandless spells to calm them down." He moved closer to Harry and put his hand on his chest. The rest of the group followed every word he said. "Gather your power, just like with an _Accio_." Harry did so. "Hold it and let it grow. Then release the magic, but not all together, let it linger."

They all saw Harry's magic, as it rose like a power cloud around him, strong and beautyful, but it dissapeared rather quickly. "It takes a bit of practise, but you've got it," Charlie smiled.

"Well, I'm sure I'm going to need it, when I go up to the Manor," he said quietly. "I'm going to need all the strength in the world."

"The Manor?" Charlie asked.

"The Malfoy Manor." Harry's voice was no more than a whisper.

"Are you telling me, that the love of your live lives at Malfoy Manor?" Charlie couldn't help but raise his voice. He was truly surpriced. "The boy you've been talking about, is the Malfoy git?"

Harry winched. "Yes." Had he been careless, letting it slide, or what this what he wanted all the time. He wasn't sure, but now, he was definitely outed.

Ron almost dropped the bottle. "Draco Malfoy?"

"Yes," Harry said. "I know it's hard for you to understand, but I totally love him, and I just die if he won't have me."

"No, Harry," Hermione came over and gave him a bone-cracking hug, "it's perfectly understandable. We all know that you've had a huge crush on him for years."

"Have we?" Ron looked at his girlfriend with surprise.

"Oh, Ron, you've always been blind for these things," Ginny laughed.

"You knew?" Harry looked a bit abashed at Ginny.

"Why do you think I broke up with you, silly. You always had your eyes on Malfoy."

Harry felt his cheeks blush. "I'm sorry, Ginny."

"Don't be. I still love you," she grinned at him. "In a non-girlfriend sort of way."

"Since this seemes to be the night of confessions," Charlie said, and took another piece of wood and threw it in the fire, "I might as well tell you all; I'm gay too." Four faces turned to him with gaping mouths. "I'm also sorry, that I haven't told you this before. It's not like it's a big secret, not anymore, but there never seemed to be the right moment," he continued.

"But-," George cleared his throat, "you were always so, I don't know...masculine?" They all burst out in a roaring laughter.

"Well, he does have a great body," Harry said and winked.

Charlie blushed, "Harry!"

 

 

He Appararted as close to the big house as possible, which was right outside the iron gates.

Great, Harry thought, I should have known it was impossible to walk right in. He threw an opening spell at the gates just by chance, and to his surprise, they opened.

That was too easy, it wasn't like the Malfoys to be sloppy about guarding wards.

He walked in and the heavy gates closed behind him with a loud thud. The sound was rather inhibiting and he surpressed the big lump in his throat, that possibly used to be his heart.

He walked slowly uphill on the gravelpath towards the building, which was barely visible in the evening light. The August moon was rising over the treetops in the east and the sky was groving darker, like warm velvet.

The last steps in front of the Manor were the hardest to take. He stopped and took a couple of deep breaths before he could proceed. This place had played such a large part in his worst memories and nightmares, but it was also the home of the one he loved. He had to do this, there was no turning back now. He had to know.

He gathered his strengths and almost ran the last part. And knocked.

He took a few steps back and waited. After the longest time, the door opened a small crack and a terrified House-elf peered out. "Who's there?" it squeaked.

"My name is Harry Potter," Harry said, unnecessarily loud, "and I wish to speak to Draco."

The elf disappeared, leaving the door ajar. It was time. Harry started to summon his magic, gathered it in his chest, not letting it out just yet.

The door swung open and a tall boy stood in the light, flooding from the vast hallway. He looked a bit unbalanced, disordely, with dark circles around his eyes and the blond hair tousled, falling in strands in front of his face. Like he's been on his bed, tossing and turning for a long time. His eyes widened at the sight of Harry.

"Har...what are you doing here, Potter?"

Harry streched out his arms and locked eyes with him, finally letting his magic loose, a huge cloud of power, that soared and bellowed around him. It was beautyful, strangely frightening and its powers overwhelming, as it enclosed Draco. It changed its colours on its way up in the dark sky, like an Aurora Borealis.

In the middle of this breath-taking cloud of pure power, stood a slender boy, with a mop of black hair and burning green eyes behind glasses, looking straight into his heart, saying, "Draco Malfoy, I'm in love with you."

 

**Author's Note:**

> Of course, the gates at Malfoy Manor opened to Harry's spell. He was wanted, longed for and cried after. As for coming out to family and friends, remember that this story is set in the summer of -98, and a lot have happened since then in the LGBT-community.


End file.
